I love when some ignorant asshole continually insults me anonymously without reason. 
If they offered some type of reason for their apparent resentment I might have the slightest bit of respect for them, but they are truly just a coward with the guts of an earthworm. People like that will die bitter and alone. 
poo poo.

One day you'll get sick of

saying that everything's alright

And by then I'm sure I'll be pretending

Just like I am tonight.

Everyone is beautiful. We just never see ourselves that way. 

Everything.

This is just a sporadic list of everything I feel like writing down at this moment in time. This wont make any sense to anyone who reads this unless you've heard me explain why I can't sleep properly... and why I have insomnia.
1. I have a blood nose. 
2. I'm having nightmares again.
3. I am utterly afraid to be alone in my room. 
4. I keep seeing him everywhere. And it's scaring the shit out of me.. 
5. I am so sick of all this hocus pocus bullshit. I mean I can act like I don't believe in it...but it doesn't change the fact I am terrified. 
6. My mum gets worried if I tell her it's happening so I just...don't. 


I don't really know why it's starting again.. but the last time this happened I was an utter mess for about two weeks. 
I just want to be able to sleep. :)

I'm going out...

Not with a fizzle, but with a bang.

I'm going to put all these petty rumors behind me.

If you have something to say about me, you're safer saying it straight to my face, because I will find out and I wont be happy :)

It's time to grow up, face the fact that people are not perfect but have enough balls to tell someone you're fucking angry with them. Thats what I'm doing from now on. The last week has really changed my perspective on people, but most of all, it's made me feel closer with people who have always been there. So in a way I'm thankful for the backtalk and secrecy because it certainly makes it clear who real friends are.

So from now on, there will be no gossip and drama, all I want is honesty and thats all I'm going to give. 

Truth.

You don't know the full story, you don't know the truth and yet you'll crucify me based on their words.
The dawning of realisation has hit, I know now that you cannot be trusted. 
To any degree - you're a liar, a false friend. Not someone I need in my life.
This came as an utter shock to me, I got so angry when I found out. 
But the truth is, I don't need someone like you. 
Someone who wont even attempt to understand, or at least try to be open minded.
You always acted like you understood, but I guess you're just really good at lying to my face.
Fuck you x 100.

stir stir stir.

People who meddle just cause more problems.
Even if it's with the best intentions, if someone says DON'T say anything, it generally means they really don't want you to involve yourself.
I fucked up, I get to live with that, but other people's inputs just make it so much worse.
I don't  like myself - nor do I like the thoughts that run through my head sometimes, and I just want so badly to be happy and not have to worry or think about things.
ugh x 100

/sigh.

I settled down

A twisted up frown

Disguised as a smile, well

You would have never known

I had it all

But not what I wanted

pretty pretty flowers :3

I feel like I've done something wrong, but I don't know what it is. 
:(

Don't break, Don't break my heart and I wont break your heart shaped glasses.

NARP! + chlo

I AM YELLING IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.

/dances like a penguin 

I reached the peak of insanity last night :)

The not being able to sleep combined with the fact my mind and body where exhausted resulted in some fun semi conscious or "sleep walking" adventures!!

I have discovered I should no longer go to sleep thirsty, it just results in me sleep walking to the fridge and acquiring refreshments and straws... drinking the entire can in under 5 minutes and then sleeping curled in a ball 

ON THE FLOOR.

I woke up paranoid that something was watching me..and literally ran into the kitchen waving my arms about like a loony... so the caffeine I have been consuming lately really isn't doing me any favours. 

And maybe the lack of sleep combined with my plethora of thoughts is just driving me mad.

So I've decided I will just try not to think about things that get to me, infact perhaps I will ignore circumstances that cause me to become anxious, and maybe then I will be better off.

Well...in my mind this seems like a suitable replacement, but at the end of the day I know that putting things off just results in paranoia and rambling. 

Although, I am already rambling so maybe I'm really insane... DUN DUN DUNN.

Also, I would like to apologize to Chloe who often listens to me ramble about multiple things and always listens, you make me happyhappy! 

p.s. this is so creepy...(click the this) ;)

Beans.

I know that whatever I write is going to feel stupid later, Iv'e backspaced this about 10 times already - changing my mind about what I really want to say, so fuck it here goes nothing...


I've become too attached, I see that now. 
I didn't think of it as a bad thing until those words were mentioned
"moving too fast"
But now I can see how fragile I've become, and I hate it.
I'm so used to distancing myself from people when I feel at risk, but now...I am fucked.
I can't run away, I can't hide. I have to face myself. and I have to face this
Whatever this is.


fuck.

Boy of my dreams?

ohhhhhhhhhhhh yes ;)
mineminemine.

oh oh oh.

It's like I'm running in circles, trapped in this stupid reality. All I wanted was to find my escape. I had it, but I pushed it away just so I could fall into this never ending cycle once again. 

I thought it would be different this time...I was wrong.

I should know this isn't changing, the situation may be different, but the outcome is always going to be the same. 

I see it, I think we all do. I just don't want to admit that I hurt easier than it appears, and it wont take much for me to be broken. Sometimes life is a big poopoohead.

shhh.

Shhh quiet you might piss somebody off.
Tomorrow is my biology exam. After that I am going to have an amazing nap.
:) And maybe sometime during the week see Frannie to swap our musicz! Joy!


Then there is only one thing standing between me and the rest of my life...
Accounting! You horrid horrid horrid subject.
Now if only I could calm down :)

In hindsight

The word crave looks like cave if only given a quick glance, and cave reminds me of vagina... so I just lol'd ;)

Crave.

I crave your approval.

I don't want to disappoint you, but at the same time I don't want to change the fundamentals of who I am. I don't want to let it all slip away... la la la. :)

THAAAAAAAAANKS

You make me so mad.

prettyprettypretty.

shinyshinyshiny.

I want like a kabillion shiny rings so my fingers are all sparkly :3.

Twirl for me.

Today I got told I looked beautiful and sounded happy.

That was the biggest compliment I will probably ever receive.

I just wish I felt the same way.

Poppycock.

Hahahahahahhaahha.

Maria has decided I need to go on a diet if I want to fit into my grad dress...

It's not my fault I'm growing :(

So, my days of chowing down on health foods have begun.

 I know for certain I will be sneaking to the pantry whilst she is at work. 

I've never been told I need to loose weight before, actually It's usually quite the opposite, none the less.. I will try appease her for now, or at least until after graduation when I go back to being awesome...

"you just need to loose abit around your stomach" is what she thinks, so fml.

/bangs head on table.

Just tonight.

fuck you all.

I am sick of people judging situations.
I am sick of you.
I am sorry that I upset you.
I don't even know what I should do right now.
People should just go away.
I made a fucking mistake, get the fuck over it.

Karma is such a fucking bitch.

:)

Cool.

I hate always thinking of other people, instead of actually saying what I'm feeling.

All I can even manage to say is "whatever".

Maybe one day people will work out that I'm unhappy, or maybe not.

I don't care right now.

But I would probably like to shove a few people through walls.

:)

From the time we’re born until we die, we’re kept busy with artificial stuff that isn’t important.
-Tom Ford

Sid Vicious

The world breaks us all. Afterward, some are stronger at the broken places.

We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.

This is not a love song.

To the lords of all things mystical, public image limited will always be one of the best punk rock bands ever.
Then again, any musical en devour John Lyndon aka. Johnny Rotten takes on is bound to be amazing.
Example numero uno: The sex pistols. A band that will be forever hailed as one of the founding fathers of the punk genre, and a band that have a very warm place in my heart. ilyilyily.
 But alas, after all the Sid and Nancy dramaaaaaaaaaz, it was time for rotten to continue his path of greatness.