You would have been so beautiful and carefree, smiling and laughing like you always used to do.
You were one of the few people who made me feel welcome when I came to Ignatius.
You didn't care what I looked like or where I came from, you just wanted to be my friend.
No one will ever forget what an amazing person you were, and I will continue to regret all those lasts.
Our last conversation that afternoon in Italian about your trip to Hawaii. If I had known that would be our last I would have told you how much you truly meant to me. So many people love you, and still think about you all the time.
I know you would have made us all proud, thinking about you still makes me smile.
There's a vulture on my shoulder
And he's telling me to give in
Always hissing right in my ear
Like it's coming from my own head
It's got me mixed up Trying not to give up
Tell me there's a way to get out of here
Oh, fixed at zero!
I don't even tell people half of the shit thats happened/happening in my life, I like to act fucking happy most of the time. We only live once and honestly, you should live for the moment! We're so young, and soo many people are making the mistake of being so serious... I did the exact same thing and it fucked me up majorly. And then there are other people.. who just don't get anything. They don't get that people can have alot of shit going on in their lives and just not talk about all of it. There is so much you don't know about me, because it hurts so much to talk about. It hurts because I tried to repress everything and hide who I am. I realise now I can't live my life like that, and that people are truly ignorant at times. I am just going to write all the shit I am really angry about right now, I will obviously leave some stuff out because it's abit...not awesome. I'm about to loose someone I love. I was sexually abused multiple times by different people. I cry myself to sleep. I almost killed myself last year, and the person who stopped me from doing it hates me now. I don't even know how to tell people i'm hurting, because everyone thinks i'm some kind of hyperactive girl who talks like a dude. I don't know how to stand up for myself, and everyone seems to walk over me... I loved someone so very much, and they crushed me. I just want to cry. I always wanted a friend who I could tell everything, and when I found that person I was too nervous to say anything because I knew i'd just cry. This is shit. And theres so much stuff I can't even write...because it could just fuck up alot of things. I shouldn't even care about that.. but I do. :( ughauiqwidujqwsd.
I am getting really sick of this. I am not even kidding, I feel like I am going to fucking explode. It's just not fair that people expect sooo much but give so little! I finally stopped being an emotional door mat and this is what I fucking get? Okay seriously, what the fuck ever. Don't expect me to give a SHIT about your problems if you're going to be a fucking cunt all the fucking time. Yes I said cunt, but seriously? FUCKSTICKSSHITWILLIESOMG. I cannot handle this, this was one of the reasons I had to see someone in the first place, the amount of fucking stress this puts on me is ridiculous! Frankly I shouldn't have to worry about everything all the fucking time, but people need to grow up! Especially "adults". UGHHHH.