wow.

Wow. I logged onto this blog for the first time in a long time...and I've come to realise what a bad place I was in when I wrote these things. I won't delete this blog, because I see it as an indicator for how far I've come in life.. how much better I am now :).

New Beginning.

So I have now oficially deleted my old tumblr bullshit and made a new one, which is more or less going to be a more expressive but less depressive space...woo? aahahahahahQHUHQUI.
http://thatgirlslostinspace.tumblr.com/

Olive you.

Dear you-know-who.

Ever since I heard those words, that sadness and regret I haven't been able to help but feel so upset...So many little things remind me of it...I am sick of feeling like this & I feel sick to think that you can still hurt me...even now. I still can't listen to just a dream...fucking loved that song, and grape soda is totally ruined...fuck. 
I just keep thinking and wondering, why?
Why did you do this to me....I just want answers but I'll never get them.

Why can I never just be happy, something is always trying to get me down. 

dj;hjqweqojr wtf. Seriously wtf. Just...wow.

Decision making is no fun what-so-ever, especially when it could influence where you live...

Suck.

Walking down Norwood parade and being stared at like I’m some kind of Alien… my dad actually pointed out how bad it is today, and frankly I am over it… I am a normal person, I am not disfigured or disabled, not that I am condoning staring at people with disabilities, but there is certainly no reason to treat me as if I’m some kind of freak of nature. FFS people, accept and love everyone and stop being so fucking judgemental. K? 


http://whatwhatduck.tumblr.com

Nothing.

I am nothing, it's who I am...everything stems back to one thing, I can't move past it, it consumes my life, my worthless life. 
The end.

lord..

That moment when you're crying your eyes out on the couch and instead of seeing if you're okay your mum tells you to "stop making the lounge wet"...

fml?

Everything seems to fall apart at the same time...life..sucks.

I despise you, I get blamed for everything and it's just not fair. 

Thanks, dad. 

When someone tries to get you down; make you feel sad or worthless, just smile and laugh knowing that even though their words may hurt you, you'll never sink to that level; and you're a better person because of it.

:)

You know what? Fuck you bitch. 

Life doesn't revolve around you.

cutems.

http://whatwhatduck.tumblr.com

:(

Heaven must be beautiful right now, oooh since they got you babe, since they took you babe. 

Exciting

SO if I'm heading over to Melbs for MC, then I am also heading over to meet a few reps for a few management companies that are interested in working with me... kinda kinda kinda super scary..but freaking epic at the same time... :)

Take me to wonderlandddd

Emalkay

When I look at you

/dances

Boys Most Likely

Sexy as hell.

Dear BMC, puh-lease fix your site so I can bask in it's wonder :'(

Gurls

It sucks when you order something and they are backlogged with orders so you have to wait ages, but you really want it right now because it's so pretty and :(

When I'm in melby next I'm going to just buy the whole store so I don't need to order anything and live off it for a few months till I go back :)

Cannot wait. 

Wonderland

I don't believe in fairytales, but I'll believe in you & me. 

Kiss the boys and make em' cry make em' cry.

I'm about to break you hard.

Possibly, definately

meow meow meow.

Love.

Perfect in weakness.

Don't you dare put me down to make yourself feel better, if you really think that's going to help you in the long run then you truly are a lost cause. I can't apologise for being me, or having people that I truly care about, and who truly care about me. I can't apologise for how I look or how thin I am, God made me this way; so don't you think that I'm lucky or that my life is somehow any easier than yours. Infact, if you knew half of what I've lived through, maybe you'd learn to bite your tongue every once in a while. Just because I'm capable of smiling at people, and being friendly does not mean I am truly happy on the inside. Just because I choose to leave out some details about my life so as not to burden others does not mean I'm not suffering on the inside. 

I'm sorry I don't feel the need to write multiple attention seeking statuses on Facebook, I'm sorry I trusted so many people with my heart. And I apologise to myself for not realising this sooner, because I put your happiness above my own, and all I've got to show for myself is a broken heart. 

Btw, everyone should listen to the song "There for you" by Flyleaf...

Model behaviour.

Alexander Johansson 

The Swedish model is absolutely gorgeous :)

From Dolce & Gabbana , Prada, Calvin Klein, Dior and Gucci,Lanvin, YSL, Ferragamo, Viktor & Rolf , Zenga to Benetton, Alexander Johansson has certainly made his mark on the modelling scene, being featured in two different campaigns after his first season. + Hes so prettyful :3

 

Lies.

We're so used to putting on a show, hiding how we really feel and who we really are... At the end of the day these lies that we repeat on a daily basis are slowly consuming who we truly are...and it's tragic, because before we know it we've forgotten what we really like and who we really relate to...


...and when we realise how lost we are, it's too late to turn back.

I'm going to do a blog dedicated to one of my all time favourite models sometime in the next week, I've wanted to do something about this specific person for yonks, but I kept forgetting! SO NOW I MUST.
Anyway, keep an eye out :)

Offensive.

I take offence to people who act like their life is so horrible and then look at others and say "you wouldn't understand". The thing is, you will probably never gain a deeper understanding of anyone, let alone yourself if you can't accept the fact that everyone deals with their own problems. Some people just don't like to drag others down with them when they're upset, which is probably why they didn't tell you some things about themselves. 

Can everyone please just learn to be a bit more respectful?

THAAAANKS. 

FUCK. SAKE.

I am sick of hearing your name.
Hearing what a great fucking person you are.
Hearing how you'd do this and you'd do that, blah blah blah.
I am sick of not being understood!
I am a fair person, but when someone hurts me...they have to work to be in my good books.
Why the fuck do I feel like I can't escape you? 
Just. Fuck. Off. Bitch.

Guns & Horses!

I love being ignored by people who are seemingly disgruntled with me for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom. "Love and light LOVE AND FUCKING LIGHT. "

(.Y.) A message for girls with small tittayz.

I have small boobs and I used to be so self concious about them. 

I couldn't feel comfortable in a bathing suit, and I didn't want to be seen in my undergarments. 

I got told i'd be so much hotter with bigger boobs; the same person told me to go on the pill, claiming my boobs would grow "bigger".

 I went on the pill and my boobs stayed the same size; that was the moment I realised that I have had boys like me, compliment me and want to date me regardless of the size of my fat depositories (tits).

 I realised people like me for more than just a pair of tits.

I don't need them, and I hate that I ever thought any guy who cared so much about that was worth it.

Now I know that guys will like me for who I really am, not just a pair of tits, and I really hate the fact that I was so upset by it before. 

TL;DR I like having small boobs, mine will always be perky.

Weightless.

I feel lost within my own thoughts. Lost between the lies I feed myself each day, and the smile I plaster on my face. Lost in how fake I've become. I can't be real if I don't believe what I'm saying. I've become exactly what I despise; a shell of my former self. 

And that is exactly why I am going to focus on the positive people and things in my life, so I can get back to having a genuine smile :). 

This photo made me trolololol!

Tragedy.

This is so amazingly beautiful. Heartbreaking really. :'(





I find shelter, in this way
Under cover, hide away
Can you hear, when I say?
I have never felt this way

Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on
Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on

Could I be, was I there?
It felt so crystal in the air
I still want to drown, whenever you leave
Please teach me gently, how to breathe

And I'll cross oceans, like never before
So you can feel the way I feel it too
And I'll mirror images back at you
So you can see the way I feel it too

Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on
Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on

Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on

This has honestly been the worst few days :(

I hate your lies. 

Everyone is free to express themselves, but be true to who you really are. 

We don't sleep we come alive 

Living like we can't deny 

This is what we leave behind 

We will be the last to die 

WE RUN THE NIGHT.

Jake, or "Dani" ( << hat girl) as most people would know her as, had a very nicely themed "American Indian Rave" and I put pink stuff all over my arms and around my eyes... forgot to wash the stuff off my arms and went to work the next day :) My boss thought I had burned my arms on the grill.

Duck.

I am for lack of a more descriptive word, unwell. 
I'm not sure whats wrong with me, neither are the people I pay to provide answers.
I haven't told my family, and I haven't told my friends. Because I don't actually know.

Fake.

Why don't you stop pretending?

You have no idea, so stop. 

:)

You are my cinema.

You mean everything to me...



This song is so amazing, I don't even know how many times I've listened to it. REOWREOW.
SKRILLEXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. BOOM. 

#1

Dat ass.

Busy busy busy!

The world is full of people who only care for themselves.

But some people do genuinely care.

They may be few and far between, but they're still out there.

Never ever loose hope in the world, people are full of surprises :)

doodles.

I deleted this blog.
It was gone for 30 minutes...thats as long as I could last :(
I also made a new one, which will probably be the one I use primarily now.

My life be like...

Shit. 

Thats the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I have had things happen to me that I would never wish on someone else, but I continue to support others through their problems. I would say I am a pretty un-selfish person, especially when someone yells that "I just don't understand what it's like to be depressed" when I have been fighting depression for years. I understand that everyone gets upset, which is exactly why I don't ever make anyone feel trivial about their own problems.

But I've reached this barrier, this line between everything; if no one asks me if I'm okay, should I still do the same for them? I'm not the type of person to make my emotions visible, I keep everything on the inside, except for what I write on this Godforsaken blog; so think twice before assuming that my world is just rainbows and gumdrops. Infact, make that assumption with everyone you know or meet, because trust me... you don't know half of what I've been through; and there are reasons for that. 

Fuckyaaaadix!

Haaaaaaar har

It's funny when those people who bitch so much about people being melodramatic turn out to be the worst of all... :)

FUCKING LOVE SPINACH. 

zombabe.

:) cute.

La la la!

You're one of the few people who can make me smile, just by looking at me.

You're kinda crazy...well just a little tiny bit :3

Thankyou for just being you, and caring about me :)

I don't think I tell you enough how happy I am to have you /happyface

You make everything seem worth it. 

Fun fun fun fun fun!

To be honest, I am sick of people who play games. People who can't just say what they think, and instead have to lead you on some type of wild goose chase. I think people forget that two can play at that game. :) 

10 reasons

I hate you.
1. Liar
2. Fake
3. Blabbermouth
4. Social climbing ass wipe
5. Selfish git
6. Suck up
7. Idiot. Literally the dumbest person I know.
8. Rude.
9. "Friends forever" my fucking ass.
10. Someone I trusted, who took what I told them and made me look awful. Bitch, fucking burn. 

Welcome to my nightmare.

I had the worst dream.
It was awful...
it combined all my fears and felt so unbelievably true; that when I woke up I was shaking.
I thought dreams like this were a thing of the past.  :(

Shame, shame on me. 



Resorting to the songs that kept me here. 

You can't touch me now theres no feeling left. 

Misery = you.

I don't understand why some people can't just go away. You don't like me, I don't like you, so why do you insist on making idle chit chat with me? I know this sounds bitter, rude and mean...but the truth is I don't want people who don't really care about me in my life, so why would I want to hear about how boring your weekend was? Why would I want to talk to someone who brings with them a feeling of dread and nostalgia? Why would I want to talk to someone who broke my heart?

I don't.

:)

Moo.

You had a choice, and you chose to go against me. 

Sometimes I actually think to myself, "what would you do if I treated you the way you treat me?" and then I realise, you would of told me to get fucked long ago; so why can't I do the same?

Don't hold your breath.

:) 

Feels so good being bad.

Theres this feeling of distaste inside of me, a strong dislike toward liars. Dislike toward people who pose as your friends, just waiting to stab you in the back. It bothers me that whenever I'm happy people have to try and ruin that with their silly little lies and obnoxious comments. 
Some people should take these words into consideration before they make accusations, and they should consider the following from more than one perspective. 

 It's become more and more of a priority for me to tread as lightly as possible in the world.

Shalom Harlow

Sugar.

Immense cravings for some sugary goodness!! 

This looks unfairly delicious, and I would like someone to buy me some ASAP!

Omnomnomnom!

Salt In The Afternoon

Dennison Bertram photography.

Easily one of the best fashion photographers of this era.

Paws up! 

Spazzy

Photographic evidence that I may be losing my marbles...O_O

What is even going on?

Like seriously? Am I having sex with the invisible man, or am i farting or something?

Everyone.

Don't talk to me unless you're going to be genuine.

Letting go was the hardest thing I've ever forced myself to do, but it was easily the best decision of my life thus far. I don't need any people who have hurt me, or continue to do so in my life. And I certainly don't want them.

And now that I have, I am happier than I ever was before. I am better.  

Thanks for showing me that people = shit.

Um no.

I love the feeling of sending someone what you really think, and not getting a reply; it just makes it so much clearer there is no possible way for them to defend their actions AND it clarifies the fact that they are a douche.


Oh snap.

5,4,3,2,1

I have come to note a few things in the last few hours of my existence. 

• People rarely care
• Parents are oblivious to pretty much everything
• It takes me making a hole in the wall for my mother to ask if I'm okay... clearly I'm just fine :)

And this time, I really don't think I'm going to be okay. 

x

Boom. 

New York I love you...

But you're bringing me down.

Everything seems so false. 

Whats the point?

/stabbity. 

I want a hug. 

I have my flyleaf playlist, but that just makes me cry :( 

I want everything back. 

Fuck people. 

I want my Nanna. I just...want. 

BE PIZZA. YOU WILL BE SO DELICIOUS!

The good & the bad.

Good

• My new jacket came in le post!
• I painted my nails another shiny colour
• Super cute boyfriend :)

Bad

• Sick of being fucked over.
• Sick. 
• RISOTTO INDUCED MIGRANE WTF?

Snap snap snap!!

ROAAAAAR.

Dinosaurs will eat your face off!